My life is not on pause, this is a period of time in which I have to prioritize and unprioritize (I know its not a word) things in my life.
when I came back, things weren't really going great at home, and even though i'm still not ready to talk about it , I believe, me, ending up staying for a while helped my family a lot, hell, it helped ME come to terms with things, realize things, and come to find out...it's not that bad. Leaving too soon would have resulted in my leaving before I got my head around everything that had went on and is still going on, and it would have made things worse for those around me.
I'm thankful I stayed.
It's a good thing I stayed....and I'm not trying to convince myself anymore,, I know.
Last night, I bought a book called Sketchbooks by Richard Brereton which features illustrators, designers and creatives from all over the world. Basically, each one would have his/her say of how they started keeping sketchbooks and why, then the following pages would be pages out of their personal sketchbooks, of work that's free of any doubt, critical thinking or planning.
I am inspired.
Ever since the age of....12? 13? I have kept sketchbooks instead of diaries, and I sincerely believe I was saner back then. I was...well, I can't say calmer, but I had a cleared idea of who I was than I do now, I had my thoughts clearer than I have them now. My sketchbook keeping lasted until just before my last year of high school.
I'm not quite sure why I stopped, I sort of blamed it on what was going on with me in the drama department, most of my free time was devoted to that and I sort of just slowly stopped. Whenever I tried to do it again after that, My thoughts were too fucked up. I was too busy pushing everything back and trying to move forward instead...then a while after that...I just stopped trying.
I'm starting again, and hopefully, it'll work.
As Nicola stated on the 16th of April, 2010:
YOU NEED A SUBTERFUGE!!!!
Goodnight, and Good luck (yes, I'm aware it's noon)..
