Because I'm feeling down

I'm going to get out of these sweats, and put on something that will make me feel okay about myself - simple jeans, top, and a little something pretty maybe

I'm gona run down to the supermarket and buy food.

don't judge me.

So life decided to happen

I'm interning at an Art Space.

Uni suddenly dropped a crap load ( I didn't want to say the s word...I don't know why, I never bothered with it before but..eh) of work on me.

Things I need to get done:

- Art History research essay.

- Mood board

- My art history notes + research sketches

- a few paintings.

I joined AIESEC. An organization YOU should join, too, if you're all "Oh yeah I want to travel and meet people maaan" but aren't doing anything about it. AIESEC will get you off your ass, and show you to the airport...literally.

( for those who are seriously interested, AIESEC is a very old (started right after WWII) student run organization that promotes cultural understanding between youth all over the world through international internships, exchange programs, and national, regional, and international conferences. )

So yeah, a few months ago I was all "Life? What life?" now I'm all "Life sucks, man."

No it doesn't I like life, it just needs to be less intense for a week, need to breath a little.

Sorry if the text is all dry, I have a really bad headache ( wow, shocker ) but yeah.

Check out AIESEC (pronounced i-sac btw) in your country and look for the nearest Local Commitee, then check out when their recruiting).

Gona go make me a tomato and cheese sandwich now.

mm cheese.

You had all the answers but no human touch

-B-

I'm tired. I really am.

I don't want to see you, I don't want to have to force myself to smile to you. I don't want to talk about anything or nothing.

I want to stay home and just be. Join me in silence if you will. But dear god, don't expect anything from me.

Peace of mind...

I have moved to this home of Immortals.
Wild shrubs bloom everywhere.
In the front garden, trees
spread their branches for clothes racks.
I sit on a mat and float wine cups
in the cool spring.
Beyond the window railing
a hidden path leads away
into the dense bamboo grove.
In a gauze dress
I read among my disordered
piles of books.
I take a leisurely ride
in the painted boat,
and chant poems to the moon.
I drift at ease, for I know
the soft wind will blow me home.

— Living in the Summer Mountains by Yü Hsüan-chi

Hey, it's Sunday!

II haaavvveee aaa heaaaaddddaaachhheeeee...

Okay things I did today:

- Awkwardly modeled during our studio figure drawing class.

- Bought lilies for my room

-went to my favourite place to eat with Zee!

Yeah. Not much to say... BUT THIS HEADACHE IS REALLY BAD AND I DONT KNOW WHAT DO

sigh

goodnight T_T

the act of getting off one's ass

have to

• complete pending books, you b*tch.
• blog every Sunday. (hello)
• Eat no Junk Food and not even smell any Fast Food.
• Work out on Mondays and Wednesdays + an extra day of choice (fri or sat)
• Sleep at 11 (2 minutes away D=) and have a full breakfast every morning. <>
• Gather the things I need to post.
• Work on my art challenge every weekend, no excuses.

So there you have it ladies and germs, I just checked myself into rehab for addiction to laziness, and this is what it looks like

peace out, yo.

raw raw raw

"I know, that waiting is all you can do"

I'm a little tired, but I had a good day in total...with minor disturbances, but I'm kind of bursting with passion now.

Everything that's been happening in Bahrain lately, well not lately, it's been happening for a far longer time than just "lately" it's just accelerating now, it has my mom in a knot of nerves. She worries every time she hears my car keys clinging

every time I slip on my shoes

every time I yell out "bye!"

every time the gate closes behind me.

If she could have it her way I'd be sitting around the house, more specifically, sitting across the table from her all day reading a book instead of going beyond the house gate.

and I don't blame her.

The reason I'm saying this is I had a bit of a fight with her before I left home today, and when I came back, her face looked so relieved once she saw that I was back safely...and well, it sort of shocked me how intensely she's taking all of this.

so yeah, put up with your mom's shit, okay? She's put up with yours for almost 20 years now.

bye.

tissue balls

Productive things I've done since ramadhan started:

- Made banana bread.

-got my withdrawal letters halfway sorted.

...

Pretty much it.

Other than that, I've been sleeping in until noon, been doing some pointless shopping, fighting with a friend, and forgetting birthdays... well one birthday -.-.

I am

letting go...

Whatever God has planned for me will happen.

I have done everything in my power and if it does not work out it's not meant to be.

I have faith and I'll hold on to it.

Showers still help, though.

It was then that she saw it

that hint of a spark in the distance

with newly flared up hope her mind whirled

could it be?

that light at the end of the tunnel crap?

does it truly happen?

outside of literature? the smell of old books, their brown pages and dried ink?

apart from the distinctive brushes of an artist? to exist outside of still colour, in a constantly blurred and undefined life?

She gets closer

No..it doesn't.

the colour red.

I just backspaced some major whining.

I have a little heart sitting a little above my Esc key. It's made out of wax and it's covered in red poster paint. This was made when I was 17 years of age.

Just thought I'd let you know.

positive energy positive energy positive energy positive ENERGY, damnit.

what are you trying to tell me?

i know, you can't really TELL me 'cause you're not exactly a solid material thing therefore you can't frikkin' speak, but what the hell?

stop...with the hints and signs, you and I, both, know every well i suck at those and they only end up confusing me,

can't you just like, HOLD UP a sign, that says, exactly what I'm supposed to do

exactly

and then I'll get it and we'll both move on

yeah?

Think you can do that for me?

sigh

didn't think so.

I'm sorry, no pressure.

Gerard Way's Hair

I am not going to compare how my life is going with others. What I did, decided, didn't do, was all up to me and I am the reason I'm here, and I believe god planned that for a reason.

My life is not on pause, this is a period of time in which I have to prioritize and unprioritize (I know its not a word) things in my life.

when I came back, things weren't really going great at home, and even though i'm still not ready to talk about it , I believe, me, ending up staying for a while helped my family a lot, hell, it helped ME come to terms with things, realize things, and come to find out...it's not that bad. Leaving too soon would have resulted in my leaving before I got my head around everything that had went on and is still going on, and it would have made things worse for those around me.

I'm thankful I stayed.

It's a good thing I stayed....and I'm not trying to convince myself anymore,, I know.

Last night, I bought a book called Sketchbooks by Richard Brereton which features illustrators, designers and creatives from all over the world. Basically, each one would have his/her say of how they started keeping sketchbooks and why, then the following pages would be pages out of their personal sketchbooks, of work that's free of any doubt, critical thinking or planning.

I am inspired.

Ever since the age of....12? 13? I have kept sketchbooks instead of diaries, and I sincerely believe I was saner back then. I was...well, I can't say calmer, but I had a cleared idea of who I was than I do now, I had my thoughts clearer than I have them now. My sketchbook keeping lasted until just before my last year of high school.

I'm not quite sure why I stopped, I sort of blamed it on what was going on with me in the drama department, most of my free time was devoted to that and I sort of just slowly stopped. Whenever I tried to do it again after that, My thoughts were too fucked up. I was too busy pushing everything back and trying to move forward instead...then a while after that...I just stopped trying.

I'm starting again, and hopefully, it'll work.

As Nicola stated on the 16th of April, 2010:

YOU NEED A SUBTERFUGE!!!!

Goodnight, and Good luck (yes, I'm aware it's noon)..

Plan a trip to Japan alone.

"Sheeny, you wouldn't notice flirting if it hit you in the head with a brick" - Fifi

"You care too much, it's pathetic" - Zee

Gee, thanks guys.

burn baby burn

I feel like i put my life on pause.

'cause i'm just not going anywhere fast here.

I'm really hungry and Glee is pissing me off.

Think i'm going to delete this blog or something.

an attempt at self-fulfillment

I have always said this to myself, but this time, I'm putting it in text.

I will start blogging consistently.

So consistently, that eventually most parts of my life will start being satisfyingly consistent as well.

I will blog about my days, however empty and soulless they seem to be to me.

I will not write half, stop, save, and forget.

I will publish a minimum of 3 posts a week.

I will attempt at turning this little cyber spot into outlet, 'cause god knows i need one.

I will evaluate, analyse, reflect, rant and damnit I will BLOG.

Right.

Let's start with today, shall we?

..no title seems to fit, not even the poem's

Poetically put by that Frost person:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.


mhm