procrastination at it's best.

....

..

..

I DONT WANT TO WORK ON THIS FUCKING ESSAY OMIGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD

-rips heart out-

x

Mood: Direction-less

Music: Misguided Ghosts - Paramore

So I'm fresh out of the shower, half naked and under the covers with my laptop on my stomach.

It's the 1st day of November.

1.57 pm.

Had a Drama meeting this morning, to which we were ALL late to

And in which we all realized that we are in deep and utter shit.

I'll stop worrying about it tho, and start again oat 11 am on Tuesday.

My media essay is due on the 6th and I haven't started typing it up yet. I'm supposed to in an hour, but i can't seem to be able to think of the perfect spot to do it at.

I can't do it here, my sister will be fussing around and cleaning all day.

I can't do it at Baillieu 'cause they close at 5 and it's the same with every other library in Melbourne on a Sunday.

I thought of going to Gloria Jean's, the one in Borders, but I don't think I'll be doing much work there.

We'll see what happens.

I'll just go and get dressed....right after this song.

Bye.

I want to get on a plane,

fly home,

flag down a taxi,

get driven home,

get in,

punch in the alarm code,

walk quietly upstairs,

make my way to my room,

close the door behind me,

kick off my shoes,

crawl under the covers,

and forget everything.

Things I have to get the fuck done.

- Media reading to work on essay (Go back to Bail. library and get the last book from the music section and remind N to get the OTHER book from RMIT)
-HOI reading on feminism.
-Psychology notes.
-revision: HOI + M&C + E&D
- RMIT FOLIO. (get folio cover!)

Countdown to flight back to home : 67 days.

-sighs-

some place to go

When you're not settled in where you are, and everything that made home what it was is falling apart...Where do you go?

Growing the fuck up.

Girls,

If you're in a relationship that has to be kept a secret, maybe, JUST MAYBE,it really isn't meant to be?

If the guy you're with is a prick (extremist, racist, aggressive, anti-THE WORLD, controlling, and fghts with you a lot) and seems to be doing nothing but bring misery to your life, maybe, JUST MAYBE, he's not good for you?

When said guy, is close by, but tells you he never got the chance to swing by and say "hey", "yo", "Sup?" after not seeing you for AGES, maybe, JUST MAYBE, he doesn't care enough? if at all?

When you have continuous fights with your best friend, and your best friend repeatedly says that he degrades and insults her, then lies to you about it while he tells you excuses, maybe, JUST MAYBE, no wild thinking here, he really IS lying?

When you break up with someone, and he keeps taking all the chances your giving him, to make you go through some sick deep shit over and over and over again, maybe, JUST MAYBE, he need to fucking get out of his environment so he can stop bringing you the fuck down all the fucking time?

When things your friends tell you go from "It's gonna be okay", "have hope", "you'll make it through", "you deserve more", "Let me the fuck at him" and "Okay now you know, so learn from it", to "fucking STOP IT already", "why the fuck are you doing this to yourself", "I'd slap you if i could, I swear", "Suck IT UP", maybe, JUST MAYBE, it's been too long for you to keep going in circles and back from more?

You're fucking young and gorgeous. You're given opportunities that will not be coming back in 10 years time. You're so smart yet you bring yourselves over and over again to the same dead ends. Stop wishing for things out of reach. Geez, you can chase your fucking dreams but you have to work with what you fucking have first and make fucking USE of it instead of trying to jump straight into it, failing, then declaring your life over. Nothing is going to happen with the snap of a finger. He's not your knight in shining armor if he's a jackass with a psychological disorder, he wont make you feel good, he won't make you smile, he won't come and kidnap you from a life you don't want (yeah, it DOESN'T SUCK, you JUST DON'T WANT IT), and did you really think he would treat you like this if he really did love you?

Just because you fell, does not mean you can't get up again. It only means that when you DON'T want to get up again, when you don't love yourself and don't accept that you deserve better, that you need someone that will make you happy not give you words that strike your guts like pieces of broken glass. You would get that for a guy to love you is to be nervous when meeting your best friends 'cause he knows that if he can't get along with them, a longterm shot is out the window. You need to accept what is and live your life starting from scratches and building a GOOD life for you. He's NOT your salvation if he can't give a proper shit about you!

FUCK, what is WRONG with you? You're SAFE. You have SHELTER, you're not a victim of poverty or something. you haven't been raped, beaten or abused! you simply looked for salvation, when in fact you needed nothing of the sort, in a place where you knew had no hope, and are still clinging on to it because you "can't imagine a world without him".

You cry everyday, you snap at everyone, you skip uni, you skip work because you can't face the day after that dramatic break up....10 months ago.

STOP GOING BACK, then see how that turns out.

YOU CONVINCED yourself there's no WAY OUT.

Guess what? THERE IS NOT WAY OUT

UNLESS YOU FUCKING GROW THE FUCK UP.

We get shit, we fall, mourn about the tragedy, get up, suck it up, deal with it and get on with life.

Sorry if you got confused, I talked about two different people with two different cases up there.

Type-form rant, over.

this too.

Utter garbage :

Utter garbage
Best color of sharpie?	dark blue!
When was the last time you saw the person you have feelings for?	define feelings.
If you do have a crush on someone ATM, how long have you liked them?	not crushing atm.
Read magazines? Which?	flip thru the occasional grazia that my sister buys to look at pretty things..used to read rocksound, its not sold here. Picking up Nylon?
Are tight pants on guys attractive? How about really baggy pants?	really baggy pants are hilarious but far from attractive. Skinnies are awesome combined with hoodies with leather jackets on top.
Best genre of music (specific)?	indie? rock? pop rock? folk? I DNT KNO. i like them all.
Would you ever get a job in fast food?	mhmm
What would be an ideal first job for you, (if you havent already had one)?	I waaaaass a teacher\'s assistant for a daycare class. It\'s far from being ideal.
You have the power to wipe ONE person off the face of the Earth. Who is it?	whoa..um...
Ever tried gellato ice cream?	oui
Watch reality TV, or hate it?	hate it.
Have you consumed alcohol in the last 24 hours?	i dnt drink
When was the last time you had the flu?	few weeks ago.
What do the plates in your kitchen look like?	all washed and set to dry, thanks to me and NOT my sister.
Do you share a bedroom? With who?	no, thank god.
Listening to music at the moment?	yes.
Still love blowing bubbles?? I do!	i dooo toooo i dooo toooo
Do you have driver's license? If no, how long until you do?	nyahah! yes i DO!
Name a country you'd love to travel to?	Holland
Don't you think its skanky when girls kiss girls just to give guys boners?	Why would u wanna give guys boners...when ur not gona do anythign about it?
How bad are the winters where you live?	they\'re ok..guess they can get worse,, they kind of get stubborn when it\'s time for spring tho.
What's your best friend doing at the moment?	in uni i guess
What's the best thing about being single? (Even if you're not single)	no commitment.
Take this survey or other Fun Surveys - Fun Myspace Surveys at Fun Surveys - Fun Myspace Surveys

Because this beats literature.

Finish The Sentence
I love...	cupcakes
Right now I want...	to have literature type itself up
I feel like...	a sailor
I hate it when...	my sister SPEAKS
I fear...	spiders..gross.
I'm lonely without...	zee =[
I need...	a shower
Today I...	SKIPPED E&D. hah. how bad am I?huh?huh?
Tomorrow I'm...	...slaving away for trinity college.
I just...	had a cup of tea.
I want to meet...	Adam Lazzara...heh
I'm hungry for...	you
I love it when...	i wake up in panic only to find that i have 2 more hours left to sleep
I'm afraid of...	SPIDERS! Did you have to make me say it twice?
I'm listening to...	The boys of summer - Indiana
I'm wearing...	black jeans. pink socks. striped tshirt. thrice hoodie.
I wish I was in...	bahrain... sleeping.
I want to get...	an eyebrow piercing
I can't...	get an eyebrow piercing
I'm nervous to...	-thinks-
My Mom thinks I'm...	weak
My Dad thinks I'm...	a mental case waiting to burst
I'm happy when...	i am given chocolate
I'm sad when...	i have to work on literature
I'm disappointed that...	i have to work on literature
I wish I looked like...	ruby rose :/
Take this survey or other Fun Surveys - Fun Myspace Surveys at Fun Surveys - Fun Myspace Surveys

Will I see you waiting for me on the corner of the street?

I’m not going to study today.
I won’t. I know I planned to but no.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my sad excuse of an island and I miss feeling comfortable with who I’m around.

I miss laying in bed early in the morning and listening to my mom fuss around in the mini kitchen next door.

I miss being scolded by zee for never being able to finish a meal.

I miss knowing it’s okay to be me.

I miss Fifi’s disgusted look.

I miss my blue room.

I miss Anfal’s random sleepovers.

I miss Zee’s room.

I miss not feeling guilty for taking a long shower.

I miss Fifi’s mom’s pizza.

I miss having to tell Yasmeen to turn it down.

I miss random visits to Farah’s house, after which I’d go home feeling sick from all the junk food I had consumed.

I miss Noor’s stupid painful laugh.

I miss dad’s surprising proud looks.

I miss controversial discussions in Nana’s house.

I miss walking to the barada holding Sara’s tiny hand.

I miss being cramped in a car with my 50 cousins.

I miss ice cream 8ur9an.

I miss driving around with Anfal with the windows rolled down.

I miss the sound Yasmeen makes when she drinks chay 7aleeb.

I miss karting with Najat and the stupid painful bruises that came along with the accidents.

I miss perverted discussions in Fa6oom’s car.

I miss eating na3na3 without tea.

I miss weddings of all things.

I miss baba ameen.

I miss making lame videos with Zee.

For heaven’s sake I miss Seef Mall.

-end.

tell the whole world to dance with me (8)

Song of the day: This providence – My beautiful rescue

I did something bad.

“N, I need coins for laundry…” My voice trailed off as she jumped and quickly, too quickly, minimized a window she had open on her laptop.
“I don’t have change” She responded, trying to act cool.
“What did you just minimize?” I shot at her.
“Nothing.” She gave me a challenging look.
“Aha. Hey, what’s your blog address? You never gave it to me” I followed my hunch.
“I’m not going to give it to you”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
I glared at her.
She glared back.
“Fine.”

I stomped back to my room, forgetting about the piles of dirty clothes on the living room floor ( divided into whites and coloured =D), flipped open my laptop and began the mission of hunting down her blog.

That was what? Last week? I GAVE UP. How is it that I just randomly stumbled upon it today?
I am crippled with guilt. Once I read a little and connected the dots I knew it was her that typed up the posts and I couldn’t stop after that, I had to read every friggin word posted on that stupid webpage. I didn’t expect it to be this open, this…mushy. I just thought it would be a story, like all the other Bahraini bloggers these days, but it was more than that.

-guilt-
In other news:
I have mentally stack-piled the assignments I’m supposed to be working on this term at the back of my head and it seems like I’m going to leave them there for a while.

I have renewed my addiction to Coco Pops

I’m on the verge of being flat broke again.

…and I’m late for class…

BYE!